Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
God, I missed his penis.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
