I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
