Sry I called you an 8
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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