I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
