Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
