the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
