anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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