wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
from now on my penis is your penis
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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