Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
