omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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