He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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