"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
