sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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