anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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