im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
