hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
