the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize