Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
