margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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