I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Randomize
