I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
