She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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