do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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