He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
