just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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