I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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