Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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