Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
