I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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