I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
