You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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