i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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