my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
