we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
