i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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