My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
