Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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