You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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