piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It's Friday. Sex?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
