why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
