I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
