Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
