remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
