I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
