i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
