i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
