roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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