some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
