I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
