You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
