man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i came on her dog
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
