I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
