Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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