we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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