ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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