She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
