just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
