Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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