My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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