i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
